Breaking the Cycle of Overwhelm in Modern Women
Overwhelm is a word many women know all too well. It’s that crushing sense of having too much on your plate and not enough of you to go around. It’s more than just being busy or stressed - it’s when your mind, body, and emotions feel completely flooded. We often say we feel overwhelmed when what we’re really experiencing is stress. While they may feel similar, stress and overwhelm are not the same. Recognising the difference between the two allows us to better understand and manage what we’re actually going through. Brené Brown makes a useful distinction here: stress is when you feel you’ve got too many demands and not enough resources to meet them. Overwhelm, however, is when you can’t function at all - you’re so consumed by everything that you feel paralysed. It’s the point where you lose your capacity to think clearly, make decisions, or even take the smallest step forward.
Why are women so vulnerable to overwhelm?
Modern day women often hold multiple roles. We’re mothers, yet also now work in demanding jobs, and often (but not always) manage the household. Many of us are carers, partners, friends, organisers, peacekeepers, and planners. The invisible workload rarely switches off - school emails and events, shopping lists, appointments, meal plans, birthdays, and household tasks. And it doesn’t end there. There’s the emotional labour too. Noticing when someone’s feeling low, remembering who likes what for dinner, smoothing over family tensions, being the one who keeps relationships connected. Even when we’re resting, our minds are often still ticking through the next day’s to-do list. This constant juggling can feel relentless, and while each role is important and meaningful, the sheer volume of them can take its toll. Women today are expected to do what generations before us did - raise children and manage the home, but on top of that we’re also expected to thrive in careers, stay fit, maintain friendships, and somehow keep it all together. The pressure to “do it all” and to do it well creates a never ending cycle of expectation that feeds directly into overwhelm.
For mothers, especially, overwhelm can be heightened after having a baby. Postnatal mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, or the constant hyper-vigilance of caring for a newborn can tip the scales further. The weight of expectations both from society and ourselves, adds pressure to already stretched emotional reserves. Cultural messages also play a part. We’re encouraged to “do it all” and to do it perfectly, from career to home life to motherhood. This relentless standard leaves little space for rest, play, or imperfection. Is it any wonder women experience overwhelm!
How does overwhelm show up?
Overwhelm doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some, it shows up as constant doing - rushing around like a Duracell bunny in a whirlwind of productivity trying to keep everything afloat. For others, it’s the opposite - complete shutdown, where even the simplest of tasks feels impossible. Neither is a sign of weakness, they’re both ways our nervous system responds when we’ve reached capacity. For some women, overwhelm can also bring sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, or heightened anxiety. It can strain relationships, reduce confidence, and affect your sense of identity. Some common symptoms of overwhelm can include:
Feeling paralysed or unable to start tasks
Forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating
Snapping or irritability
Fatigue, headaches, or body tension
A sense of guilt for not being able to cope “better”
Feeling disconnected from joy or from yourself
What’s important to remember is that overwhelm is not a personal failing - it’s a human response to carrying too much for too long and living in an unsustainable way. Our brain’s primary role is to keep us safe. When we continually ignore the body’s signals to pause or slow down, the brain eventually steps in and says enough is enough. We then feel unable to cope, not because we’re weak, but because our system has simply reached its limit. It’s much like driving while tired - if we don’t pull over to rest, the brain eventually takes control, shutting the body down and forcing sleep. Overwhelm works in a similar way: it’s the brain’s protective mechanism, signalling that the pace we’re living at is unsustainable and compelling us to listen. By paying attention to these early warning signs, we give ourselves the chance to rest and recover before we reach a point of collapse, even burnout. If, however, you’ve already reached overwhelm, the good news is that you can still take the steps needed to recover and restore balance.
Managing and easing overwhelm
The first step in easing overwhelm is recognising that it’s a signal, not a failure. It’s your body and mind’s way of saying “enough” and asking you to stop and slow down. When we listen to that signal, we can respond to ourselves with compassion rather than criticism. Having compassion for ourselves is key in being able to start acknowledging our needs. Small, supportive practices can make a big difference.
Pause and ground yourself. Breathing exercises can have a huge impact on our mind and body. Whether you pick an exercise to work through or simply take some slow deep breaths, this can signal to your body that everything is okay and it can relax. Stepping outside in nature, placing a hand on your chest, or bringing awareness to the sensations of your feet on the ground, can all help bring you back into the present moment.
Name it. Saying aloud “I feel overwhelmed” can reduce shame and help you acknowledge what’s really happening. It’s easy to suppress or even defend our overwhelm, but this only serves to prolong it. By naming and accepting what we’re experiencing, we can begin to shift our attention towards what needs to change.
Ask for support. Whether it’s a partner, family member, friend, or professional, reaching out can break the cycle of isolation. As women we are often made to feel like we “should” be able to manage it all, but the reality is, life as a modern day women can be both physically and mentally draining. Having the confidence to reach out and lean on those around you is a great way to lighten the load and share responsibilities with others.
Simplifying life where possible. Prioritise what is essential and let go of what isn’t urgent. Sometimes it can feel like we have a to-do list as long as our arm, yet if we actually were to break it down we might realise that some of it can wait. Letting go of the pressure to fulfil it all can help us to prioritise what needs doing effectively.
Rest. Sleep and downtime aren’t indulgences - they’re necessities for resilience, repair and wellbeing. Life will always throw us curveballs, and the to-do lists rarely end, but we can’t run on empty. Making time for quality sleep, regular rest, and moments of joy is essential for our mental health and overall functioning. When we are properly rested, we’re able to show up more fully for everything else that matters.
Seek professional help if needed. Coaching can be a powerful tool in preventing overwhelm and supporting a more balanced, fulfilling life, providing a safe space to reflect, clarify your priorities, and make the changes needed to protect your wellbeing. In some cases, mental health conditions such as postnatal depression, anxiety, or ongoing overwhelm may require therapeutic or medical support. Reaching out for professional help is a strong, empowering step, not a sign of weakness.
Preventing overwhelm
Modern women often juggle an extraordinary number of responsibilities - managing work, family, household tasks, relationships, and their own personal ambitions, all at once. While we can’t avoid the bustle of life and every challenge that life throws our way, we can build habits that protect our mental wellbeing and help prevent overwhelm from taking hold.
Boundaries: Learning to say “no” to commitments that add to the load gives our mind and body much needed space. This creates room for the things that really matter and helps protect your energy for what’s most important.
Shared responsibility: Household and childcare tasks don’t have to fall on one person. Communicate with those around you and share the load.
Self-care that’s sustainable: Regular movement, nourishing food, scheduled moments of R&R, and practices like journalling or meditation all support your baseline wellbeing.
Connection: Honest conversations with other women can remind you that you’re not alone and break the isolation. We are wired for connection and belonging, and sharing our experiences not only lightens our own load but also gives others permission to share theirs. In a space of connection, healing can begin.
Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend, showing yourself the love warmth and understanding you deserve. When overwhelm shows up, compassion softens the pressure and reminds you that you’re human, not a machine.
Overwhelm is not a personal failing - it’s a signal that life’s demands have outpaced your capacity to cope. By understanding the difference between stress and overwhelm, recognising the signs in yourself, and taking deliberate steps to rest, simplify, and seek support, you can reclaim a sense of balance and control. Building small, sustainable habits, from setting boundaries and sharing responsibilities to prioritising self-care and connecting with others, helps protect your mental wellbeing and prevent overwhelm before it takes hold. Remember, giving yourself permission to pause, reflect, and ask for help is not weakness; it’s an act of courage and self-respect. You deserve space to breathe, moments of joy, and the freedom to live a life that feels manageable, meaningful, and aligned with your values.
If this resonates with you or someone you know, I’d love for you to get in touch. Together, we can reflect on your priorities, create strategies to manage overwhelm, and build sustainable habits that protect your mental and emotional health. Coaching offers a supportive, non-judgmental space to regain balance, reconnect with yourself, and feel more in control of your life and wellbeing.
