Boundaries: The Invisible Lines That Protect You
Boundaries!
That ambiguous word that gets randomly thrown around in moments of frustration, but which many of us are left baffled by and wondering what does it actually mean? For me, boundaries are a self protection; they go hand in hand. If you’re taking care of your boundaries, you’re taking care of yourself.
What are boundaries?
To enforce our boundaries, we must first understand them. Boundaries are a framework for authentic living, protecting your inner peace, needs, and values. They are personal and unique; what works for one person may not work for another. We shape our boundaries based on lived experiences, drawing from our thoughts, emotions, and physiological responses in past situations. Reflecting on how we felt, what we thought, and how those experiences served us helps us define what we need moving forward. Boundaries also connect to our core values, but more on that later.
When we talk about boundaries, we're really reflecting on how our actions and decisions impact our emotional well-being. Think back to a time when you rearranged your day for someone else or said "yes" to a favor even though it would inconvenience you. Or when you offered help without being asked. How did that affect you emotionally? Sometimes, these experiences are positive, and everyone benefits. But other times, you might have felt resentful, frustrated, stressed, or even angry. In these moments, it's likely that either your boundaries were absent or you adjusted them to accommodate others, even though it didn’t serve your needs. The result? Your boundaries were crossed, leading to emotional discomfort. It’s important to remember that boundaries aren’t fixed. They can shift and evolve over time, adapting to your changing life and needs.
Hard and soft boundaries
For me, boundaries fall into two categories; hard and soft. Hard boundaries are non-negotiable. They are vital to your emotional well-being and you won't compromise on them, no matter the consequences. These are your "must-haves" for maintaining your inner peace and values. Soft boundaries, on the other hand, are more flexible. They are still important, but you might be willing to adjust or sacrifice them in certain situations. However, there’s one key rule for soft boundaries: any decision to shift them must come from a place of conscious awareness. This means taking a moment to assess the situation, weigh your options, and consciously decide if you’re comfortable compromising or adjusting your boundary. When you make this decision with awareness, you stay in control of your boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
Why boundaries are important
Boundaries are essential because they are a form of self-care. They lie at the heart of our emotional well-being, yet many of us neglect them. When we form and uphold boundaries, we’re protecting our own needs, showing ourselves care and consideration. This is self-care in its truest form.
Let’s pause for a moment. Most of us don’t take the time to really listen to what’s going on inside; what we’re feeling, what our thoughts are saying, or how our bodies are reacting. Taking a quiet moment to tap into our internal experience is powerful. This act of awareness is called metacognition; being consciously aware of our lived experience and the subsequent act of reflection and assessment of our thoughts and behaviours we had at the time to evaluate how they may have contributed to our experience.
For example, when reflecting on a time our boundaries were crossed, we can ask ourselves:
What role did I play in this situation?
How did my actions, choices, or behaviors serve me?
What was my reason for saying "yes" or making that decision?
Was I being authentic, or was I people-pleasing and neglecting my own needs?
What did I sacrifice in that moment, and was I okay with it?
What was my body telling me in that situation?
What could I do differently next time to ensure a better outcome?
To set healthy boundaries, we first need to reflect on what is most important to us … our values.
How our values relate to healthy boundaries
Values play a key role in setting boundaries. When we understand our core values, setting boundaries becomes much easier. Our values are the inner rules we live by; they influence our behaviour and guide how we show up in the world. Think of them as an inner compass that helps us navigate our daily lives. The most powerful values are intrinsic, meaning they come from within and are deeply aligned with who we truly are. These intrinsic values motivate us to act in ways that are consistent with our beliefs. When we’re clear about how we want to show up and what matters to us, we can set boundaries that support those values. For example, if authenticity is a core value, then being able to say “no” to something or someone when it doesn’t serve our needs becomes essential. Saying “no” aligns with the value of authenticity because it honors your truth.
Take a moment to reflect on your values. Do your boundaries align with them? If not, how can you adjust your boundaries to be more in line with what truly matters to you? If you're unsure about your core values, let's chat! I can guide you through uncovering them with my 7-step guided exercise. This process will help you gain clarity and confidence in identifying what truly matters to you, making it easier to set boundaries that align with your authentic self. Reach out today and let's get started!
The benefits of boundaries
When we have healthy boundaries that align with our values, life becomes easier to navigate. We know when to say “yes” to a request and when to politely decline. We recognise when to give our time and energy, and when to hold back. We can sense when our boundaries are being respected—and when they’re being tested. With clear boundaries, we show up in the world as our authentic selves. We know how to assert our needs, and we do so with confidence and clarity. Holding boundaries is a powerful act of self-respect. It signals to ourselves and others that we are in tune with our needs and committed to protecting them.
These boundaries don’t limit us, they liberate us. They reduce the chances of feeling used, taken for granted, or resentful. And they give us the freedom to give to others, knowing that we’ve made a conscious, values-aligned choice and are at peace with the outcome. Living this way allows us to lead with authenticity, with inner peace at our core.
When you set boundaries, others feel it too
One of the interesting things about boundaries is how they’re received by others. People who have their own boundaries often accept yours without question. They understand the value of boundaries, why they matter, and are more likely to respect them, almost as if there’s a mutual, unspoken understanding. On the other hand, those who lack clear boundaries or who don’t yet understand them, may feel unsettled when someone asserts theirs, even if it’s done politely and compassionately. This can lead to defensiveness, questioning, or even emotional discomfort, not because you’ve done something wrong, but because it challenges their norm. But here’s the key: their reaction is about them, not you.
In these moments, it’s important to stay grounded and uphold your boundary. Don’t allow someone else’s discomfort or confusion to sway your decision. Upholding your boundary doesn’t mean being defensive, confrontational, or over-explaining. It simply means honouring your needs. You might even find that your clarity and calm confidence inspires curiosity. People may start to admire your assertiveness and clear communication. And who knows, your example might be the very thing that encourages them to reflect on, and begin building, their own boundaries.
How boundaries define the way you show up
Find a quiet space and take a few minutes to consider:
How do you show up?
What do your boundaries look like?
What are the emotional consequences of your boundaries, or lack of?
How happy are you with your choices and interactions with others?
How do you protect your own needs when navigating life?
What would change for you if you held healthy boundaries?
If you would like to work on understanding your own boundaries and integrating these into your daily life, then I invite you to get in touch and book your Complimentary Call.
